


Why I Have to Fight

by Zazibine



Series: Hetalia Heartbreak [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Brother Feels, Discussions of Morality, Enlistment, Feels, Gen, World War II, all the feels, also discussions of mortality, small town life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:40:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zazibine/pseuds/Zazibine
Summary: When world war two breaks out, the call to enlist, to be a hero, is nearly irresistible for Alfred. After all, he's needed now, and badly. But even soldiers have families, and his wants a say in the decision.Or, alternatively, Mathew really doesn't want his brother to die.





	Why I Have to Fight

### Thirty One Days of Hetalia Heart Break

Thirty-one days of sadness,

thirty-one days of fear.

Thirty-one days of anxiety,

for one whole day of cheer.

One whole month,spent all alone,

of not calling you my friend.

Thirty-one days is how long it takes

for a broken heart

to mend.

### Day 2

### Canada: Why I have to fight

    I looked up at the night sky, as the grass itched at my back. Carefully, I shifted my weight and tried not to disturb the silence that surrounded us. This wasn't my idea of a little "brotherly bonding" as Alfred put it, but I wouldn't trade these last few days I had with him for the world. Hearing a slight rustle, I turned my head to see the bright blue eyes of my brother gazing at me with unwavering concentration. He blinked and awoke from his trance with a smile. 

   "Hey Mathew, sure are a lot of stars out tonight, huh?" Alfred said with a light laugh. "Certainly more than you would see in your bedroom right now." 

    I winced in embarrassment. It was no secret that I was a bit of an introvert. On a good day, you would have to offer me a whole plateful of Ma's homemade pancakes just to get me to leave my books for an hour, well, when I actually had a chance to read. That, combined with my occasional bouts of stuttering, often got me teased throughout the years. 

    If Alfred, always eager to be the hero, hadn't come and saved me every time I was about to be beaten up, I might not have survived childhood. Ever since my birth, back in 1921, he had taken it upon himself to care for me as best as he could, and I would always be grateful to my older brother for being there for me. I blinked back to the real world, and after a moment or two of silence, I smiled and said,

    "Yeah. Don't you wish things could always be this way? You know, just us and the stars?" Instantly, I regret saying that as Alfred's smile is quickly jerked into a small frown. He sighed and sat up, running a hand through his disheveled hair. He looked away, a hurt expression in his eyes.

   "You know it can't be like that Mattie. I can't stay here and watch your back for you all the time. Not when..." My older brother trailed off, gazing at the small town we called home spread out below us. I sat up and stared at him, incredulous. He really thought the only reason I didn't want him to go was because I didn't want to get bullied again? That _that_ was my issue with all of this? After a moment, I spoke,

  "Alfred, you _can't_ go to war! You can't be a soldier yet, Ma still needs help running the newspaper! She's getting old, Alfred, and I haven't the slightest idea how we'll be able to keep the business going when she isn't strong enough to run the printing press. I'm already working my legs off every weekday, running around selling the papers, so I don't have time. You're the only one who can get old Liza working when she decides to give up." It was true, for our old press was notorious for being a cranky old girl from time to time. When she wanted to quit, she _quit,_ and usually in as messy a way as possible. I took a deep breath to try to stop rambling and continued on in a softer tone.

   "We need you here, with us."  My brother sighed once more, and closed his eyes, dropping his head to his chest. Quietly, he said,

    "Please, Mattie, just... don't. Please don't ask that of me." He turned to look at me once more. My brother's usually cheerful face now held a lost expression, and his eyes contained some secret, unending sorrow that I knew I had no hopes of understanding.

   "I can't stay. It's not that I don't want to, it's not that you guys don't need me, I just... can't. I'm sorry Mathew, really I am, but I'm not staying. Not here, and especially not now. Please understand; for my sake?" He looked earnestly at me, but I bent my head and allowed my blond hair to cover my eyes. I curled my knees up to my chest, hoping that they might act as a barrier between me and the harsh reality of my brother's words. The pleading look on Alfred's face hurt, but not as much as his answer had. I can't? That was his response? Not a reason, not some excuse, just I can't? After a long silence, I quietly spoke one word.

      "Why?"  Alfred blinked, confused by my reply. I shift to gaze to him before elaborating. "Why? Why can't you stay here with us? With me? Why do you want to go so badly?" He exhaled loudly and shook his head. Giving a bitter chuckle, he shot a morose smile my way. 

  "I should have known you of all people wouldn't understand what it's like for me. What it's like to know that people need you, to know that you can do something to help them, but that you're being asked to leave them to suffer." My brother looked away and began to pull up handfuls of grass. "We're at war against an enemy who is killing thousands, millions, and you're asking me not to go rescue those poor souls. All my life, I've wanted to be a hero, and now I have a chance. What Hitler's doing, it's just plain villainous. This is what I've been waiting for. They need a hero, and I can be there for them!" Alfred twisted to grin at me, the light back in his blue eyes. 

  "Why you? I get that they need a hero, Alfred, but why does it have to be you?"  Instead of answering, my brother just said sadly.

   "Mathew, you know how horrible it feels when you watch someone die, and know there isn't anything you can do? You probably don't remember Dad because you were too young, but I do. I remember every horrible second I spent beside his sickbed, just sitting there ,watching him die. I remember just ho-how _helpless_ I felt seeing him get sicker and sicker, and there was absolutely _nothing_ I could do to help!" My brother clenches his fists in anger and hangs his head. Brokenly, I reach for him and bring him into a gentle embrace. He tenses for a moment, before letting out a shuddering breath and finally hugging me back. I felt tears prickle at my eyes. I knew, of course, exactly how Alfred felt. It was just like how I felt when Alfred told me he was leaving to enlist in the military. After a several long minutes, he pulls away and gives me a slightly watery smile.

  "Thanks Mattie... I-I needed that."  I wiped my eyes and returned his grin, but it soon dissolved into a slightly concerned frown. 

     "Alfred, I understand that you belong out there, helping people, but what can just one soldier do against entire armies?" I grew somewhat afraid for my brother as he laid down in the grass and began to laugh. 

  "That's simple. I'm not going to be able to do a lot!" Alfred cheerfully admitted, looking up at me. "However, every problem we don't solve, no matter how big or small, is something the next generation is going to have to fix. Only for them, it's gonna be ten times worse and eventually, they'll be too big to solve. I've gotta make a difference, no matter how slight it is. Otherwise, I don't think I'm going to be able to die happy, you know?" I shook my head at my brother's audacity. 

   "You're not going to die, Alfred." I said firmly, trying to make the words true with every syllable. Once again, he laughed.

           "What are you gonna do, Mattie? Enlist with me to make sure I don't get killed?" An expression of dawning realization crept across his face, and my brother sat up quickly. With a sudden movement, he had me by the shoulders and was looking excitedly into my light purple eyes. "Why don't you enlist with me, Mattie? Every hero needs his sidekick, right?" I looked away, unable to face my brother.

    "I'm sorry, Alfred, but I'm not like you. I'm no hero, or at least, not the type you want me to be. I am not strong, or fast, or good at shooting. All I'm good at is being me, and that's not what the world needs right now. You are like the perfect soldier, and now that I know I can't make you stay, I might as well give you the best chance out there that I can. And that means I'm staying here. I'll only hold you back." I said. Alfred pulled back and grinned at me, saying,

   "Mattie, you've got it all wrong! You might have been bullied a bit, and I might have had to come save you... How many times was it? Oh, never mind anyway, you totally deserve to come be a hero with me! You're the smartest person I know, and I want to be out there fighting with you by my side! You don't hold me back, I love it when we're beating up the bad guys together." After a minute or two of Alfred denying my claims, I interrupted my brother's protests and said, "Don't argue, you know I'm right." He sighed and nodded begrudgingly. 

 "All right, you have me there. So if I'm not staying here, and if you're not coming with me, where does that leave us? Are we really going to part for however long this takes? And it's not like they can regularly deliver me your letters if we are getting shot at." I can only nod in response. Alfred gazed at me sadly, and asked, "Then this is goodbye, now isn't it? I leave in three days, but I won't have any time to say it later, will I? Not if the army has its way." He trailed off and looked up to the stars once more. "Just... promise me this, Mattie. Wait for me, okay? No matter how long it takes." I turned to gaze at our town below us. Every little lamp sparkled just as brightly as the  stars above us that my brother admired. It would seem so empty with him gone. At long last, I uttered four simple words that I would always remember.

"Okay, Alfred. I promise."

* * *


End file.
